FWIW The musings of a webmaster Sunday 28 January 2007 What's this?

Depression: is church part of the solution? Or part of the problem?

I find this a difficult time of year. As someone who has a tendency to depression I find that life is a particular battle around now.  I feel overwhelmed by the demands. Everyone seems to want a piece of me. Temporarily increasing my low dose of medication doesn't really seem to help.

This isn't a whinge, just a statement of fact. This is what I live with, and especially over Christmas and in January.  By the time the evenings are starting to lengthen the feelings become less acute. I am well aware that many other people also struggle to keep functioning and to feel positive at this time of year. If you have experienced depression you will understand.  If you haven't, it is probably hard to grasp.

You would think that church would help.  After all this is a community isn't it? I'm a part of it and it should bring some comfort.  In fact, the opposite is mostly true.  Going to church seems to trigger the depression.  It can happen as soon as I walk in the door, and I can't really explain it. I immediately feel a huge pressure. During the service these feelings usually lift a bit, but afterwards there is usually a sense of isolation, even alienation, that I call the 'post church blues'.

So, for those of us who suffer from depression, is church part of the solution, or part of the problem? I think it can be either. There are times when attending church has brought me great peace.  This is not one of those times. A recent visiting preacher whose sermon consisted of an unrelenting 15 minutes of laying on the guilt about how inadequate all of us Christians are didn't help much. People who seem to spend their whole time unjustifiably criticising diligent and unpaid church officers depress me as well. But I must own up to the fact that it's mostly down to me.  When I feel depressed I put a shell around myself and don't allow others in. This just compounds the sense of isolation that I feel. Bernard Levin put it well in his book "Enthusiasms":

"again and again pain has caused me to retreat into the darkest lair of depression... where the sick soul's desire for solitude turns into a misanthropy, with invitations refused, meetings cancelled, and outstretched hands spurned".

Anyone who has experience depression will identify with that. My depression is relatively mild, but I can certainly relate to it.

When we are depressed, that is exactly the time that we most need hope.  Ironically, it is also the time when we are least able to retain it in our grasp. I have one or two good friends at St. Andrew's who, in the past, I have talked to about some of this stuff, and I remain very grateful for their love and support. It was the start of my healing process, and although I still get depressed sometimes, I am now better able to handle it.

And it occurs to me that it is precisely here that the church really becomes part of the solution. When we can meet people where they are, create a safe place for them to tell their story, and reassure them that they are loved and cared about, even when they are unable to feel that - then it opens the door for God to work in the healing process. It's not easy.  It's not quick. But it's a start.

Thanks be to God.