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Serving God in the heart of our community since 1881 St Andrew's Church, Taunton |
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Song of the Nightingale - A Modern Spiritual Canticle, by Michael Ford
Reviewed by Adrian Smith “Discernment is not simply about resisting what is evil, self-absorbed, or destructive. It is about foundational identity. It is about who we know ourselves ultimately to be.” Wendy M Wright This is a book about discernment. More specifically, it is the story of a man seeking to discern what his vocation in life might be. After surviving two serious road traffic accidents Michael feels that he has been saved by God for a reason. But what is the reason? This story, drawn from Michael Ford’s spiritual journal, reveals the tension between the two callings of priesthood and journalism. This tension is not the gentle background hum of mild ambivalence that can be mentally and spiritually tuned out, but a demanding, all consuming search for self, coupled with a determination to be congruent with God’s will. Michael is not afraid to wrestle with God, but one senses that the experience has been costly. He feels always on the perimeter of the church. In the first section of the book, he reflects upon his exploration of both the Anglo Catholic and Roman Catholic traditions. After a period of disillusionment with Anglicanism he is received into the Roman Catholic church but instead of feeling he was “home at last” felt “displaced… sentenced for life… the psychological and spiritual within me were locked in battle.” After oscillating between the two churches Michael comes to the conclusion that he is called to a denomination that does not exist, but finds little empathy from either “side”. Caught in a no-man’s land of churchmanship, he felt “at the centre of a soul baiting contest” and wonders “[have] we really moved on from the 16th century?” The second section of the book delves more deeply into the two calls of journalism and priesthood. After enrolling in theological college he feels deserted by God, and experiences a dark and isolating depression. Far from the journey towards priesthood offering the experience of wholeness he was hoping for he finds it “a form of death”, but struggles on. He wants to escape, but states in a revealing passage, that he does not want to let anyone down. “I think that has been the problem: always living up to other people’s expectations.” Eventually he concludes that priesthood is not for him – “I was more in touch with my spirituality when I was on the news desk” - and on the day he withdraws from the seminary is unexpectedly offered a job as a producer with the BBC. He begins to feel that his vocation is back on track. The third part of the book reflects Michael’s determination to live a deeper form of Christian witness, whilst pursuing the life of a busy writer and journalist. He reflects upon what he has learned: “I realise how, in the search for our true calling we may at times be drawn, understandably, in different directions. We may feel compelled… to follow a certain path, deafened even by a myriad of voices recommending a route that may not be divine in direction at all. We may rank pleasing others above making our own decisions and blossoming into our true selves.” I read this book in a day, but several weeks later, still find myself thinking about it. It is written with honesty, insight and humility, and offers nourishment and encouragement for anyone who experiences “a latent sense of God’s calling”. The influences of Henri Nouwen, of whom Michael has written a biography, are clear throughout. There was one aspect of the book which I found difficult. This was the concept of being “saved for a reason”. Such a feeling is understandable when having experienced a brush with death, but for me it raises difficult questions about the nature of God that could be the subject of a book in themselves. This book is the story of spiritual work in progress, by a man whose fledgling faith was nurtured at St. Andrew’s Taunton. If it has a conclusion, it is, tentatively, that we both seek and find God in claiming our uniqueness and difference. “All that is desired is that we trustingly receive and accept our originality, our defining individuality, from the heart of a self giving God.” Or to put it another way, the only duty we have in life is to become who we are. ‘Song of the Nightingale’ by Michael Ford is published by Paulist Press. There is a copy available in the Parish Library.
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Page updated 30/09/2007
